


God Bless You, Joe Dante

by RedLetterMistress



Category: Jay Bauman - Fandom, Red Letter Media
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, Premature Ejaculation, Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedLetterMistress/pseuds/RedLetterMistress
Summary: It's two years into the new millennium and you've only got eyes for a shy, ska-obsessed film nerd. You've tried your best to win his affections, but nothing has worked. You're not sure if he's uninterested or simply incapable of taking the hint. You tell a little white lie to get his attention and hope that this is finally your chance.What you don't know is that Jay Bauman has a secret of his own.This fic provides a backstory for why Jay loves Gremlins 2 so much.
Relationships: Jay Bauman/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 54





	1. This Had Better Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic takes place in the fall of 2002, so just a few weeks shy of Jay's 22nd birthday. The reader would be just about the same age.

"You only regret the chances you didn’t take," comes a loud voice from inside your head. You try to remember who said that. Was it Gwen Stefani? Or Ghandi? 

It doesn't really matter who said it, the phrase was probably on a motivational poster in your high school guidance counselor's office. Still, the words have been playing on repeat in your mind for the last twenty minutes. You're currently sitting at the Palomino Bar at 11:25pm with a bunch of film nerds, desperately hoping to connect with a cute guy who doesn’t seem to notice you’re completely in love with him. 

You've known Jay for a while now - ever since your manager/coworker/friend Ron insisted you play an alcoholic clown in one of Jay’s movies. Jay seemed to like your performance, so he’s wrangled you back a half dozen more times. So far, you've been a one-legged prostitute, a bingo caller with a stuttering problem, and a waitress who’s nauseated by the thought of food.

Despite the bizarre nature of his films, Jay has always been professional and intensely focused. You’d been wanting to tell him how you feel for months, but there never seemed to be a good time. The last waitress role had you slipping around in fake vomit for two hours. Jay thought it was great, but it wasn’t exactly the prime environment for seduction. 

Still, you have been able to hang out with him almost every week. Movies at Ron and Jesse’s apartment or viewing parties at Lauren and Jay’s place, trivia night at Bar Louie with Mike, Rich, and Lisa. It’s been great. But each time you saw him smile with that adorable overbite or caught a glimpse of his sparkling green eyes, you'd melt. Then as soon as he saw you, he’d cover his mouth and look away. It was as though your entire being soared to heaven and then immediately crashed into the ground. Like god herself tickled your nose and then punched you in the stomach. 

You've tried all of your best moves. One you were particularly proud of was asking him to go see _28 Days Later_ together _._ You knew a horror movie gave you the chance to pretend you were really scared and nuzzle your face into his shoulder. Then he’d wrap his arm around you and he'd feel really manly and strong for protecting you from the scary zombies. The plan was _flawless_. 

Instead, Jay just laughed the whole time and said there was nothing to be scared about. He quietly explained how the frame rate was changed on the XL1 digital camera they used to increase the audiences’ anxiety. His arm never moved. You tried to bury your face into his side again while someone got hacked to death with a machete, but a full minute into Jay’s explanation of how squibs and blood pumps work, you just gave up. 

But tonight is the night. You'll get this beautiful little nerd to notice your affections or you'll die trying. 

" _Scream_ completely revitalized the horror genre," Jay says brazenly before eating a french fry from the red plastic basket on the table. His short blonde hair looks especially spikey tonight.

_M_ _aybe he's trying a new hairspray,_ you swoon. 

Mike laughs loudly; his long arm draped across the back of the vinyl booth. "You think that horror really needed to be 'revitalized'? There's like twenty horror movies released every fucking day!" 

"Yeah," Jay admits, "but they've all lost sight of what horror should be. Fucking _Jason 10?_ Fucking Jason in Space, Mike? They needed to go back to basics." 

"Yes! Like back to the 70's, when little girls stabbed themselves with crucifixes - as God intended!" comes the voice of Jesse on your right. Mike mouths “amen” and sends a tiny chef’s kiss up to Jesus. He holds out his drink for a cheers and everyone at the table clanks their glasses together. 

"I'm just saying that fucking everything is a sequel now and it's all creatively bankrupt," Jay explains. 

"Not every fucking sequel is terrible, Jay," Rich laughs. "Like what about _Gremlins 2_?"

“That movie is like twelve fucking years old, Rich!” Lisa giggles. "Why are you so **old** all the time?" The entire table erupts into laughter. 

"Okay, that’s a good point though… that is the exception to the rule,” Jay admits when his chuckling fades. “ _Gremlins 2_ is a great movie." Everyone raises their glass again to toast. 

_This is it. The moment you've been waiting for._

You keep your glass on the table as everyone else cheers. You wait for the laughing to subside so you’re sure Jay will hear you. 

"I've never seen it." 

Jay, Mike, Rich, Lisa, Jesse, Ron and Lauren look at you like you have two noses. You think you hear a record scratch somewhere in the distance.

"That…. that’s... just not right," says a flummoxed Rich Evans. 

"How the _hell_ do you get through life without seeing that movie?!" Mike yells. "How do you _stand_ to look at yourself in the mirror knowing you've never seen that movie?!" Lisa pokes him in the ribs and tries to shush him. Jay just stares at you, completely dumbfounded. 

"I don't know. It's just never come up!" you shout defensively. You take a big sip from your beer bottle and pray to heaven this works. 

"It's 'never come up'?! I can't even… How does it nev… You work at a video store! That's dumb! _You're_ dumb!" Mike declares as he points a finger directly at your face. Lisa positively stabs him in the ribs. Everyone else chuckles when Mike’s winces in pain. 

_This is not going well._

"Do you _want_ to see it?" Jay's voice cuts through the good-natured laughter all the way from the opposite end of the table. 

"I'd like to, yeah," you reply nervously.

_Okay… this could still work. Don’t make it weird._

Your shoulders scrunch up waiting for him to extend an invitation to everyone else at the booth. 

But he just looks off in the distance and nods distractedly. The rest of the booth laughs on. 

"Oh please, Mike," comes Lauren's voice. "Like you've seen every shitty sequel!" 

"Every goddamn one of them!" Mike declares. "I am the master of shlock!" 

You join in as everyone laughs at Mike. Lisa kisses him to finally shut him up. You notice Jay's shoulders sink. 

Finally, around 12:45am, you decide to call it a night. You say your goodbyes as you walk up to the bar to pay your tab. 

You feel a small tap tap tap on your shoulder and turn around to Lauren smiling wickedly at you. She leans in closer to you and covers one side of her mouth with her hand.

“Bullshit,” she whispers. She stands up straight and continues to smile.

“What?” you ask quietly. _Did you do something to offend her?_

“You have a stuffed Gizmo doll in your room that’s wearing a Rambo costume.” 

Your stomach plummets into your shoes. 

“That’s from _Gremlins 2,_ ” Lauren declares as she folds her arms over her chest. “Why would you lie about something like that?” 

You know Lauren. You like Lauren. But she’s got cornered and you have no idea what to do. You look to Jay. _What if she tells him? They're really close friends - roommates even. What if she just tells him right now in front of everyone? Would he be mad? Oh, god, he’d probably just be embarrassed... for himself or for me or both..._

Lauren tilts her head thoughtfully and follows your line of sight as your little panic attack threatens to go nuclear. You’re far too distracted to notice realization flash across her freckled face. 

“Ooooh. I get it,” she smirks as she looks back to you.

“Get what?!” you jump. “There’s nothing to get. It’s just a doll.”

Lauren looks back to Jay, who’s currently focused on the warming Sam Adams in his hand; peeling off the wrapper while he nibbles his bottom lip. 

“He **_is_** just a doll, isn’t he?” she whispers. 

_Fuck._

You pray for a distraction. Like an earthquake. Maybe lightning strike could strike you dead indoors. That might be nice. 

You wait for her to make an announcement. Or to laugh. Or to pull you into the bathroom for girl talk or something.

Instead, she gives you her customary parting hug, says goodbye, and bounces happily back to the table. Jay’s eyes stay on his beer bottle as Lauren looks to Lisa and nods curtly.

You hand the bartender some cash and hope you tipped enough.

_What the hell just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, let's hope this works out!
> 
> Please leave me a comment here or stop by my [tumblr](https://rlmfanfic.tumblr.com/). I'd love to hear from you! 
> 
> (The quote is from Lewis Carroll, btw.)


	2. Be Kind, Rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're stuck at work, but an unexpected phone call changes the course of your day.

“Alrighty, looks like _Amélie_ is due back tomorrow by midnight and _Mac and Me_ is due Tuesday by midnight.” You bag up the DVD and VHS tape and wait for the customer to walk past the magnetic sensors near the door. You hand the man his small cellophane bag with a friendly smile. “Excellent choices all around, sir.”

You head back to the counter to shove another set of tapes into the rewinders as the phone rings.

“Thank you for calling Blockbuster, where we make every night a Blockbuster night. How may I help you?” You die a little inside as you recite your greeting into the phone. The mixture of a slight hangover and your itchy blue uniform shirt has led to a less than stellar morning. 

“Oh, hey,” comes a surprised voice through the phone. “It’s Jay.”

“Hi Jay!” you squeal into the receiver so loudly that three customers in the Action and Foreign Language aisles turn to stare at you. You try to play it off as a cough. Your finger starts to wrap around the curly phone cord as you wait to hear his voice again.

“I was actually looking for...” Jay starts. 

_And the spell is broken._

“For Ron, right. Sorry.” You shake your head in embarrassment. “He’s in the back, but I can transfer you. Just a sec,” you say as you look for the extension to the manager’s office. 

“No,” Jay explains. “I… sorry.. I was going to say I was actually looking for you. I was just surprised you were the one to pick up the phone.”

And just like that, the sun shined again and there was peace and joy and love in the land. 

“Oh!” you chirp. “What’s up?” You managed to keep that response within the perceptible range of a human ear, so you’re pretty proud of yourself. 

“Do you still want to see _Gremlins 2_? It’s not on DVD yet, but I have the VHS,” Jay explains. 

_It’s working!_

“Absolutely. Yeah. I’d love that,” you beam.

Jay laughs into the phone and it’s amazing. “Would you want to come over tonight around eight and watch it with me?”

_YES!!! Yes! A million times, yes!_

“Sure. I’m free tonight at seven, but I’d need a ride if that’s okay. Ron drove me to work today and he doesn’t get off till ten.”

“No problem. I can pick you up. I asked everyone else about watching it, but they were all busy, so it’s just going to be you and me and Lauren.”

_NO!!!_

“Sounds great,” you lie. 

_Oh that bitch. Oh that BITCH!_

“Okay, I’ll swing by at seven,” Jay says happily. 

“I’ll be here.” You wait to hear him hang up before you place the handset down on its base.

Just three more hours until that tiny prince comes to take you away from this awful place. That’s plently of time to think up the perfect way to murder your supposed ‘friend’ Lauren. You were so close to getting some quality one-on-one time with Jay and now it’s ruined.

…............................. 

After three full hours of ruminating on your many botched attempts to woo Jay Bauman, you'd pretty much made peace with yourself. This wasn’t the first time you’d failed - and it might not be the last. But Lauren has always been a good person. It’s not like you told her all of the ins and outs of your master plan. You’re sure she wouldn't ruin anything for you on purpose. You just lied about never seeing a movie to trick a cute guy into hanging out in a dark room with you for two hours so he might make out with you. _Is that so wrong?_

Upon further reflection... _Yeah._.. that might actually be a little wrong. It’s probably for the best that your plan failed. You’ll do it right next time. 

You use your employee discount to purchase some movie snacks. The big bucket of microwave popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, Whoppers, Raisinets (Lauren’s favorite) and a pack of Twizzlers should be enough snacks for three people. You pack everything into a bag and toss it under the counter. 

“Hot date tonight?” Ron asks sarcastically as he steps through the short swinging door to your left. You blow a raspberry at him while he logs into one of the front registers. 

“The hottest! Just me and Jay and Lauren in a sweaty, Gremlins three-way all night long,” you reply with no small amount of snark. 

“Oh shit! Right! That’s tonight!” Ron suddenly runs back to the manager's office. 

_Wait, what? Is Ron coming tonight, too?_ Maybe you should get more snacks. 

You see Jay’s old blue Nissan Sentra being pulling up out front and try to play it cool. You reach to grab your backpack from behind the counter and finally notice the outfit you’re wearing. The only clothing you have, the outfit you’ll be wearing as you spend the night with Jay… the outfit you had previously hoped to seduce Jay in… is your god damn Blockbuster polo shirt and filthy khaki pants. 

_Well, shit._

It looks like there’s plenty of reasons why this plan wouldn’t have worked out. Does you bra even match your underwear? Your dream is dead for today, but maybe you'll try again soon. Might as well enjoy a fun evening with a few friends. 

The doorbell chimes as Jay walks through the entrance. He’s wearing his green bowling shirt with “Jerry” stitched on the breast pocket and a pair of baggy jeans with a chain wallet hanging down to his knee. His navy blue baseball cap is turned backwards as usual and his oversized DC skate shoes are coming untied. You can’t help but find his look as sloppy as it is effortlessly charming. 

He scans across the aisles until Ron’s booming voice catches his attention. 

“Jay FUCKING Bauman!” Ron yells from the back of the store. Thankfully, there’s no customers around to hear him. Jay walks through the Horror aisle and stops to chat with Ron. You stay behind the counter and finish packing up the stack of movies from the after-hours returns bin. 

You look up moments later to see Ron holding Jay by the shoulders, but they’re too far away to hear what Ron is saying. He’s peering down on the shorter man like a loving father while Jay tries to squirm away. Ron reaches into his back pocket and grabs something small and shiny. He holds it up to Jay’s face and Jay snatches it away in an instant; shoving whatever it was into his front pocket as quickly as he can. Ron wraps his arms around Jay and kisses him gently on the forehead as Jay flails his arms in protest.

Jay is finally able to escape Ron’s smothering embrace and both men walk towards the front of the store. Jay’s eyebrows shoot up when he sees you and his eyes go wide as saucers. He darts his eyes back to Ron.

“...and could you just fucking buy _Susperia_ , Jay? I’m sick of erasing all of your late fees because you can’t stop watching Dario Argento movies,” Ron teases. 

“I’m trying to get a better grasp on the _Three Mothers_ trilogy, you asshole,” Jay explains as he tries to rub the pink out of the tops of his ears. “I’ll buy it on DVD when I can find the three-disc set. But they only made 60,000 copies.”

“Just buy the regular release, man!” Ron implores.

“That one doesn’t have the documentary on it, though.” Jay looks at Ron like this is the most reasonable argument that has ever been made. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Ron throws up his hands and turns to you with an incredulous smile. “Good luck with him!” he yells as he holds the tiny swinging door open for you. You grab your backpack and bag of treats and head towards the front door. Jay follows close behind, chewing the cuticle of his left thumb. 

“Be SAFE, Jay!” Ron yells as the glass door closes. Jay flips him off behind his back. 

“What was that about?” you ask as Jay unlocks the passenger door for you. He heads to the driver’s side and slides into his seat as you wedge your backpack down on the floor of the car. 

“He’s just being an asshole.”

“Oh! Well that I totally understand. He’s almost always an asshole,” you assure Jay as you climb in. 

“Yeah. That’s true,” Jay sighs. His car engine revs to life and _An Idea for a Movie_ by The Vandals blasts out of his stereo. He moves quickly to turn the music down. 

"Would it matter to you if… I mean, would you care if I…" he stumbles hard over the words. 

"..if you smoke weed?" you offer. 

"What?" Jay asks. 

"I saw Ron hand you some at the store. It's totally fine, I don't really care." 

"Oh. Uh, sure. Yeah." Jay tries to shake the thought out of his head. "Okay. Good to know." 

"Just steer clear of the harder stuff." 

"Will do!" Jay announces awkwardly. He looks over to you and you realize it's the first time he's made eye contact today. He opens his mouth to say something, but stops himself. He sighs and reaches into the back seat to pull out a huge black zipper case of CDs. Jay sets the surprisingly heavy binder on your lap. "You can pick anything you want to listen to." 

You unzip the case and marvel at the contents: there must be over a hundred CDs, some bought and some burnt, all in impeccable alphabetical order. The purchased discs are all tucked behind their original cover art and every track is listed out in scratchy handwriting on the front of the burnt CDs. 

"Oh, wow! I don't know like half of this stuff, but I'll try to find something before we get to your place," you reply absentmindedly. The Aquabats, Ass Ponys, Blink 182, The Mad Caddies, New Found Glory, NOFX, Reel Big Fish, Screeching Weasel, and on and on.

You're too busy to notice him watching you. Jay’s fingers clamp down on the wheel. He bites his lip hard, wanting to say… he doesn't quite know, really… but _something_. Anything. Everything. Instead he tucks the thought away, like he always does, and sets the car's transmission in reverse to head home. 

Jay's clunky Nissan turns out onto the main road just as you find a CD you like. You eject The Vandals and slide in Sum 41's _All Killer, No Filler_ album. Jay's golden eyebrow perks up when he sees your selection and he turns the volume up in anticipation. 

You push the NEXT button on Jay's stereo to track seven and a second later out pours Dave Baksh's plucky guitar. You might not own the album, but this song was on the radio all the time, so you know most of the words. 

_The faster we're falling_  
_We're stopping and stalling_  
_We're running in circles again_  


You poke Jay playfully in the ribs. "This is your CD! I know you can sing along, Jay." 

His face scrunches up adorably as he wrestles his thoughts. You keep singing; using your thumb as a microphone. 

_You said it wasn't good enough_  
_But still we're trying one more time_  


Jay's voice cracks as he joins you in the chorus:

_Cause I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep_  
_Up above in my head, instead of going under_  


You try your best to harmonize with the rough voice, but give it up pretty much immediately. It's punk music anyway; no one's expecting these guys to have the vocal range of Whitney Houston. 

You crank down the windows and sing the rest of the song together as the cool fall air blows through your hair. Even though you totally flubbed the words more than once, Jay doesn't seem to mind. He's pretty busy drumming against his steering wheel, anyways. 

Two songs later, you pull into the parking lot of Jay's building and grab all of your movie night treats. You march up the three flights of stairs to his apartment. As Jay fiddles with his keys, you hear a strange giggling pouring through the door. _Lots_ of giggling. Like a Girl Scout-pillow-fight level of giggling. 

Jay looks to you, also puzzled by the cheerful sound. 

He unlocks the door and you both step into the crowded living room. Ten women are sprawled out on the couches and floor. Half of them are holding glasses of wine and all of them are in pajama pants. 

Jay locates Lauren on the far side of the larger couch. 

"Ummmm… Hey? What's going on?" he asks in total confusion. 

"It's movie night!" comes Lauren's answer. Four of the girls lift their glasses in a toast. “WooOOooo!”

“I thought we were going to watch _Gremlins_?” Jay inquires. 

“You asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with you guys, and I totally do! And then I remembered that my Lit study group wanted to hang out tonight and I thought it was a perfect chance for movie night for all of us!! We can makes some space and get you a spot to sit. We're watching _A Walk to Remember._ "

"I…" Jay’s mouth gapes. "Why would I ever want to watch that?" 

"BOOOO!!!! BOOOOooooOOOooo!!!!" comes a chorus of female voices. Lauren shrugs offhandedly. 

"Well I have dibs on the living room, so if you want to watch your dumb Gremlins movie, go do it in your room.” 

The realization of what’s happening hits you like a cement truck.

_Oh, Lauren. You beautiful, devious bitch!_

"Uhh…" Jay begins. He looks to you nervously. "Would you be o.. umm..." 

"That's fine by me,” you interject as calmly as you can. “You have a great sound system in there anyways."

"Oh! Right! Yeah. Okay. We can do that." Jay turns to walk down the hallway to his room before eleven different women each give you an excited thumbs up. Lauren, newly elevated to your best friend forever, blows you a kiss and waves you ahead.

_God bless that wonderful woman._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the story so far! 
> 
> The Vandals song and the Sum 41 song were both used in Jay's old Blanc Screen Cinema movies. 
> 
> Man, I miss Blockbuster some times. 
> 
> Also, Lauren is the best imaginary friend.


	3. It's the Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out you might both be idiots. :)

Jay's door hangs open and you watch him frantically trying to tidy up for you. He tosses everything into his closet and tries to look less panicked as you walk inside. 

His room is fairly small and made to feel smaller by the low, angled ceilings. Jay and Lauren’s attic apartment seems to have been an afterthought on the part of the builder; with bedrooms and bathrooms thrown in wherever they would fit. 

Jay’s bed rests lengthwise against the wall to your left, covered by a burgundy comforter and two pillows. His desk and a set of drawers sit along the opposite wall, along with bookshelves loaded with CD’s, VHSs, and DVDs. Jay’s large television takes up almost all of the space on top of his dresser, forcing the DVD/VHS player to be positioned at a slight angle. A vintage _Pink Flamingos_ poster near the corner of the room catches your eye. Jay steps in front of you, kicking several pairs of shoes into the open closet.

"Don't worry about it, Jay. It's fine. I don't mind. You should see my room," you offer. 

"Yeah. I mean no. Um, sorry," he mumbles. 

You gaze down at his double bed and your brain swims with possibilities. 

Jay heads back to pick some of his shirts off the floor and he’s convinced his face is turning red. A bead of sweat drips down between his shoulder blades and he just knows this whole thing is going to go as poorly as every other time he’s tried to get you to notice... _god_... He wishes he had any clue of what he was doing.

Jay looks to you wistfully before he notices your distracted stare. He follows your eyes towards the bed and to large bottle of Jergens lotion still sitting on his nightstand. 

"I have really dry skin!" he shouts. His words barely register in your mind. 

"Mine gets like that in the winter," you reply distractedly. "My hands crack if I don't moisturize them every day." 

"Right! Right. Totally," Jay responds as he throws the lotion into his closet. It clunks against the back wall and shakes you from your fantasizing. 

You take a seat along the edge of Jay's bed and watch as he grabs the VHS off of one of his crowded shelves. He pops the cassette into the player perched on top of his dresser and moves to check his sound system. The joyful giggling in the front room seems to be getting louder. You get up to close Jay's bedroom door and turn to see Jay looking nervously in your direction. His prominent front teeth threaten to draw blood as he bites his bottom lip. 

"Can I close the door? I think Mandy Moore is gonna get cancer soon, or AIDs or whatever, and they're all gonna start crying. I don't want to hear that," you explain. 

"Yep. That makes sense. Closed is good," Jay nods. "Too many crying women could really kill the _Gremlins_ mood."

"Joe Dante worked hard to craft that atmosphere, Jay," you giggle. 

"Yes, the cinéma vérité is especially captivating in the later scenes," Jay jokes. "It's going to need our full attention." His smile reaches up to his eyes and it looks like… 

_Wait. Oh my god, was that French?_

"Sounds wonderful," you sigh. You hit the switch to turn off Jay's overhead light and hope he doesn't mind. 

Jay fast forwards through the previews in the tape until he finds the Warner Bros. logo and sets the remote on his desk. He dusts some crumbs off of his burgundy comforter takes a seat to your left on the edge of the bed. As the movie starts up, you hear the very familiar Looney Tunes soundtrack and feel a pang of guilt about your deception. You might not have the movie memorized, but you've seen it enough times to know some of the scenes by heart. 

Then the tip of Jay’s pinky brushes against yours on the bed and you completely forget whatever the hell it was you were supposed to feel bad about. 

_He's touching me._

You don’t **dare** move. 

_Oh my god, he’s touching me._

Maybe he doesn’t notice he’s touching you. _He must, though? Right?_

…............................. 

Six hours pass before you start breathing again. Or maybe it’s just been 20 seconds, seeings as Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny are still fighting on screen. 

You shift your hand over at a snail's pace to rest fully against Jay's from pinky to wrist. Five **full** inches of skin contact. Jay doesn't move. 

_You only regret the chances you didn’t take._

_You only regret the chances you didn’t take._

_You only regret the chances you didn’t take._

Your heart shoots up to your throat like you’re peering over the edge of a rockface down into a dark lagoon. Your mind walks four steps back from the precipice and you take a deep breath. You repeat your mantra faster and faster until there’s no room in your head for any other thoughts. 

_You only regret the chances you didn’t take._

_Youonlyregretthechancesyoudidn’ttake._

_Youonlyregretthechancesyoudidn’ttake._

You shut your eyes tight and take a _running_ _leap_ off the edge of the cliff---

You place your left hand on top of Jay’s right and lace your fingers between his. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears as you wait for his reaction. 

You try to commit everything to memory. The smell of his room, the feel of his skin, everything. Just in case this all goes to shit in another second. 

_He’s not pulling away._ But he’s not moving. _Why isn’t he moving?_

Jay’s fingers splay open wide and your heart sinks. His hand pivots to move away before his fingers slowly curl around yours. Your eyes dart down to watch as his calloused digits wrap around your fingertips. He holds your hand gently for a moment before his thumb begins to run up and down the length of your pinky.

Your heart **explodes**.

The feeling of his skin on yours is like a live wire. It’s such a small touch, but it’s yours, and it’s everything. 

Jay doesn’t look down to your hands, or to you, or even simply _away_ from the Gremlins on screen. You see his face in profile as he peers straight ahead. His adam’s apple bobs as he takes a hard gulp. 

Jay’s rough fingers stay woven between yours as his thumb plays a note across your skin like a bow against a violin string. You turn back to the movie as Billy Peltzer steps on screen. Your heart’s beating too loud to hear anything coming out of Jay’s sound system, but you couldn't care less. 

And that's how it goes for a long while. Gizmo gets wet from the drinking fountain and spawns some evil mogwais, they eat after midnight and turn into monsters, Murray Futterman gets attacked, yadda yadda yadda; all while Jay holds your hand and softly strokes your pinky. You laugh at most of the funny parts, especially when the one gremlin gets really smart and starts lecturing Christopher Lee. Your fingers are cramping and Jay's hand is getting sweaty, but you simply will not allow yourself to move. 

Then the mohawk gremlin reaches for the spider serum and you wince.

“Oh, the spider gremlin puppet is so gross!” you say without thinking. 

_Fuck!_ You shouldn’t know that yet. _Fuck!_

You finally glance down again to see the knuckles on Jay's opposite hand turning white as he grips his knee through his jeans. 

_Oh god. He knows._ _Is he mad?_ But his hand feels so good in yours. _Shit._ You turn to him to confess and hope to god he doesn't just throw you out of his apartment. 

His lips press hard against yours before you can speak. Your eyes shoot open wide. 

"What the fuck?!" you sputter before you pull away in shock. 

"Shit! Fuck! Goddamn it! I'm so sorry," Jay yells as he slaps his hands hard against his face. "I'm such a fucking idiot!" 

You try to sort through your confusion as quickly as possible. 

_What just happened? He kissed me? No, he did. Maybe. Was that an accident? Wait. What?_

"God! Shit! I'm so sorry," he mutters. He's trying to pull his baseball cap down over his eyes now, walking back and forth through the small room and muttering curses. 

"No, it's fine," you explain. But he's too far gone.

"Jay," you plead as you reach for him. He turns away and covers his face with both hands. 

"I'm so… God, I didn't mean to… I'm so sorry," he says, keeping his hands on his face. 

"It's fine, Jay. I'm fine! I'm not mad at all!" you try to explain. You stand up and reach up to pull Jay's hands away from his face. He buries his chin into his chest. 

"I just thought that maybe I…maybe you... I'm sorry." He's completely miserable and you have no idea how to shake him out of it. 

"Jay. Jay. Jay! Look at me," you plead. 

Jay finally looks up and you see the corners of his eyes glistening wet. 

_Shit._

_Shit shit shit!_

There's got to be something you can say to bring him back or make him understand that this is what you've wanted since the moment you met him. You blurt out the first thought that comes to mind. 

" **I've seen this fucking movie!** "

You point to Jay's TV. "I've seen it a bunch of times!" 

His eyes squint as his head cocks in confusion.

“What? What do you mea..”

"The gross spider gremlin kidnaps the woman that's trying to fuck Billy, and the smart one sings _New York, New York,_ and then they use the electricity gremlin to kill all the other gremlins and…" you try to stifle your rambling. " **I lied!** I just wanted a chance to be alone with you for a few hours. I'm sorry." 

Jay looks even more perplexed. He takes a step back and your body tenses while you await his reply. 

"Wait. But you said you hadn't seen it." Jay recalls. " _Everyone_ laughed at you... Mike _insulted_ you. Like a lot. You… you put up with all of that… just so you could be alone with _me_?" 

"Yeah," you respond meekly. "But Mike insults everyone everyday, so that one wasn't too hard to take." You grab the remote from Jay's desk and hit Mute. The happy chatter from the living room filters under Jay's door. 

"Holy shit," Jay runs his hands down the short stubble of his cheeks as his mouth hangs open wide. "That's... that's… wooow." Jay shakes his head in disbelief. 

_Great. Now he knows you're obsessed with him. And that you're a liar. Even better. Maybe you can ask Lauren for a ride home._

"That’s fucking amazing," Jay's voice instantly rips you out of your shame spiral. His green eyes sparkle in the dim light of his room as both of his hands cup your face. "You are absolutely fucking amazing." 

Jay lifts your chin up and his lips crash into yours. His right hand moves to caress the back of your neck, delicately combing through your hair and sending a shiver down your spine. 

Jay pulls away to look sincerely into your eyes. 

"I… I..like you," Jay breathes. He chuckles softly and runs his thumb along the corner of your mouth. "I probably should have started with that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh that poor, sweet Jay. He just makes my heart hurt. 
> 
> What did you think? As always, feel free to leave me a comment here or stop by my [tumblr](https://redlettermistress.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Confessions and smut are on the way!


	4. Movie Magic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay feels embarrassed by his V-Card. You sit him down for some real talk. Jay has some preconceptions shattered (in the best way).

“I actually really liked what you started with,” you admit. “You just surprised me."

"Yeah. Sorry about that. It just… All of other times I tried, nothing worked," Jay tells you while his thumb moves in slow circles along your jawline. His words finally reach your ears.

"Wait, What? What do you mean? What other times?" 

"A bunch of different times. Like when we went to _28 Days Later_ and I tried to impress you with all the stuff I knew about the camera work and the effects," Jay explains. "But you just looked really annoyed."

You stare at Jay, eyes open wide, for what feels like an hour before shaking your head in total bewilderment. You blurt out a half-crazed chuckle before burying your face into his neck as the giggles take you over. 

"What?" Jay joins in your laughing, but doesn't totally understand why. He just absolutely _loves_ the sound. "What's so funny?" he asks though his happy laughter.

"It just…" you nuzzle him closer. "I like you, too.”

You stand together in his room; arms wrapped around each other as the gremlins silently wreak havoc on the Clamp Center. You run your finger through the patch of chest hair peeking out of his shirt collar. He smells like the kind of men's body wash that comes with a puka-shell necklace and has a lightning bolt on the bottle. But there's something so much better underneath; subtle and warm and real and _him_. 

**_That's_ ** _the scent they should bottle._

You take a half step away and study Jay's green eyes. They're darting across your face, from your hairline to your chin, your eyebrows to your cheeks and back all over again. Like he's making sure you're real. 

"How long have you liked me?" you pry.

"Honestly?" Jay replies as he tucks a stay hair back in place behind your ear. "As long as I've known you." 

Warmth rushes over your body. “I felt the same way about you.” Jay’s face positively beams. His adorkable smile is so sincere and absolutely perfect. “I don’t think we should waste any more time." 

You reach down and tear off your ugly blue polo off as quickly as you can; tossing it down to the floor. Jay's face snaps down to your now half-naked form. 

"You don't have to…" Jay's words are cut off as you step into his body and coil your bare arms around his shoulders. You pull off his baseball cap and throw it into the closet. 

"I know I don't _have_ to. But I **_really_** _fucking_ _want_ to." Your lips melt against his; sucking softly as you breathe him in. Jay's body stands still as he tries to make sense of what's happening. 

His arms move slowly; wrapping around your body and pulling you close. His left hand runs delicately across the skin of your exposed back like you're made of porcelain. 

You move your hands to the bottom of his shirt and tug the green garment up to his waist. Your hands comb through the patch of dark hair on his stomach and move under his belt buckle. Jay pulls away swiftly and pulls his shirt down with one hand. He moves away from you and sighs. 

"I've, uh… never.. Do you… I mean, would you…?" Jay sputters. 

"Would I what?" 

"Would you still want… If I…" he huffs. "I don't know how to do any of _this_ ," he groans miserably as he motions between your bodies.

“You’ve never...? I thought you and and Lisa… You just look so sad when Mike kissed her, I assumed you had been a thing."

"No, no. She’s my friend. I liked her when I was younger, but it didn't work out. I’m just… jealous because Mike actually knows what he's doing. He's not a fucking awkward… _vir_ … _awkward_ like me." He keeps his eyes focused on the floor. 

“So I’d be your first… what...?” 

“... my first... **_everything_** ,” Jay sighs. 

It feels like the floor just vanished from under your feet. 

You don't care that he's a virgin. You’re touched, honored, excited, grateful and completely blown away that he would share this with you. But would he even believe you if you told him all that? 

"I really, _really_ like you," he explains. "But I'm in my fucking twenties and I don't know how _any_ of this works.” Jay sits back down on the bed and places his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands. 

Silence fills the room as you try to think of the right thing to say.

 _Wait…_

How the fuck could it be this quiet with a dozen drunk women giggling ten feet down the hall? 

You take five steps to Jay's door and pry it open a sliver. _Nothing._ You stand topless in the doorway and peer into the dark apartment. No girls, no pajama party, no Walks to Remember. The apartment is all yours. You make a mental note to have a trophy made for Lauren. 

Not only do you have time, you have privacy. 

You can make this work. 

You close the door quietly and turn back to Jay; clad only in your second-least favorite bra and stained khakis.

"Do you ever read _Cosmo_?" you ask simply. 

"Do I… What? Um, no. I can't say I do," Jay replies. 

"Do you ever listen to _LoveLine_?" 

Jay shrugs. 

You set your hands on your hips and purse your lips in thought.

"Then I assume all you know about sex is from movies and porn?" you start. "Ripped guys with huge dicks and hairless ladies with gigantic boobs doing it for hours while the girls just scream and scream?" 

"Uhh…" Jay's face goes three shades redder. He tries to chew through the nail on his index finger, but pulls it away quickly. "Yeah, I guess that's right." 

"Well, those men work out for like eight hours a day and they’re only cast for their ridiculously big dicks. Those vaginas are waxed two hours before they shoot, and those huge breasts are as fake as their orgasms."

Jay grins shyly and hides his smile.

“One time, I heard a guy call into _LoveLine_ and his job was to jack off the male pornstars between shots so they don't lose their erections,” you reveal.

“Wait, what?! Seriously?”

“Yeah. And sometimes there’s an ice guy on set who goes around and ices up the all the nipples because hard nipples look better on camera. They even use makeup to make their taints look lighter, Jay. None of that stuff is real. Just like squibs and matte paintings and blood pumps… It's all fake."

Jay looks like he just found out the world was flat; all shock and confusion.

"I'm not a sex expert. But I'll tell you what I know about actual, real sex," you begin as you walk towards him. You take a seat on his right and grab his hand. Your palm rests on top of his as you hold on tight and look into his eyes. "The first time, you're probably not gonna last more than a minute."

Jays shoulders plummet as his face clouds over with shame. You nudge his chin up with your hand and look into his eyes. 

"That's how it is for _every_ guy. It's just how it is."

"But that's so fucking embarrassing," he insists. 

"Yeah, it kinda is!" you laugh. Jay's green eyes snap up to yours. “It’s probably going to be awkward and short and weird…”

Jay looks completely lost. You lay back across Jay's bed, keeping your feet on the floor. Jay follows suit, and you both roll to face each other. You pull up his right hand between your bodies and place a kiss on his knuckles. 

“But I like you, Jay. And I want you. I'm honored that you would share a part of yourself with me. And it really doesn’t matter to me **-at all-** how long you last." 

"Really?" Jay implores. 

You smile back at him and nod. "Yes, really." 

Jay's right hand squeezes yours tightly as he reaches over and runs his fingers through your hair. 

"Lots of girls don’t even cum during sex anyways," you explain. 

Jay's hand stills. 

“Wait! **What?!** ” Jay stammers. “You don’t?!?”

“Well I never have, no."

"How…" Jay sits up with astonishment. "How is that even possible?" 

You pull him down back to you by his green shirt collar and kiss him tenderly on the corner of his mouth. 

"Because lots of guys - teenage boys especially - are selfish and awful and they think humping a someone a few times counts as awesome sex. They don't even bother trying other things to make the girl cum."

"What do you mean, 'other things'?" Jay asks. 

Your face immediately goes pink. 

"Well… um… like going down on the girl. Or like, fingering her… but mostly, like focused on her clit." You cover your rapidly-warming face with your free hand and a small snicker escapes your lips. You peek through your fingers to see the gears in Jay's head grind to a halt. 

"Girls can cum from just from that? I thought all of that stuff was just, like, a sex appetizer or something." Your hand drops away from your face. 

"We don't need to be having sex to cum, if that's what you mean. Guys cum all the time without having sex. Do you not _finish_ when you're alone?" 

"No, I do." Jay shakes his head wondering how the fuck he's found himself with a beautiful, half-naked girl in his bed, talking about how he jerks off. "But girls don't masturbate, so I thought..."

"Of course we masturbate!" you laugh. "Who told you that?" 

Jay's eyes shut tight and he tries to bury his face in the comforter. 

"I took sex education in rural fucking Wisconsin!" he laughs. "I told you I don't know anything!" Jay groans into the mattress. 

"Hey," you purr before you pepper Jay's exposed cheek with light kisses. "Yes. Sorry. Girls can cum without any cock involved. Lesbians seem to get along just fine." 

Jay rolls back over to face you and his eyebrow perks up slightly. 

"So, like, **_you_** can cum like that?" he inquires. 

"Uhhhmmm..." Your face flushes from pink to red in an instant. "...this is embarrassing."

"Oh, Nooo! **_You're_ ** embarrassed now?" Jay teases. "That must be just so **awful** for you!" He tickles your ribs playfully before you smack him in the chest. His body makes the mattress shake as he laughs loudly. 

You roll your eyes at him. "Okay, good point." You inch closer and run your hand over Jay's neck. You gaze down to his perfectly crooked smile as his pulse thrums under your fingertips. You finally take a deep breath and answer his question barely above a whisper: "Yes… I can… cum from that." 

Jay looks like the weight of the world just fell from his shoulders. 

"Why don't I just do that then?" Jay offers as he perches himself up on his elbow. His hand runs up your side.

"Wait. Just do what?" you laugh. 

"Just make **you** cum. That's all I really wanted to do anyways: please you. I only wanted to be good at sex for **_you_**. Like pleasure you all night and give you twenty million orgasms and have you fall asleep happy and satisfied in my arms…" Jay's mouth snaps shut before he blushes. 

You smile widely and Jay leans back down to rest face-to-face. His sharp nose nuzzles against your cheek before his plush lips press into yours. He sucks your lower lip into his mouth and nibbles gently. You move away just enough to take a breath.

"Twenty million orgasms, huh?" you giggle. "That's a good _start_ , sure. How do you plan on doing that?" 

"If you could... teach me how, … I'd like to… umm.." he struggles to find the right words, but his sweet voice pours across your body like honey. His hand slinks under the shoulder strap of your bra as he kisses you again. "I'd love to… I'd really like to touch you… touch _all_ of you. And to..." Jay's eyes flicker up to yours. "...to _taste_ you," he confides. Your head swims as all of your blood rushes straight down.

The thought of Jay's mouth lapping at your cunt fires a starter's pistol in your body. You swiftly climb on top of him; straddling his hips. You reach back to unhook your bra and toss it on the carpet near your shirt. Jay gasps below you; his eyes almost impossibly wide. 

You smile softly down at him before your hips roll against his pelvis of their own volition. Even through several layers of fabric, you can feel his hard cock against you. His hips move up to meet yours on instinct, but his arms stay on the mattress. 

"I want to please you, too, Jay. But I don't know your body yet. You're going to have to tell me what feels good for you." You reach down and grab his hands; pulling them off of his mattress and placing one on each of your hips. 

You grind into him again, showing his hands how to direct your movements. His fingers dig into your thighs as he pulls you tight against his cock. "Could you teach me how to please you?" 

" _Holy fuck,_ " he moans. His eyes shut close as he nods tightly. "I think I can do that." He's even harder now; straining desperately against his jeans. 

You move Jay's hands away from your hips, up along your ribs, and position them over your bare chest. His eyes pop open as he moves to cup each breast and palm them gently. 

He can't decide which part is his favorite; the sight of your half-naked body on top of him, the feel of your breasts in his hands, or the heat building at your center against his cock. All of it. All of it is just too fucking perfect. 

Jay squeezes your breasts and rolls a nipple between his thumb and index finger. You whine softly at the sensation and his brain threatens to short circuit. "Fuuuuuuck me," he breathes out with wonder. You bite your lip as you smile down at him. 

"How about we start with the you 'touching _all_ of me' part and then see where we wind up?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just live for the moment I get to update that rating. Enjoy the M while it lasts, my lovelies, cause next chapter is going E.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one! I know there was a lot of talking, but I wanted to get Jay comfortable and (somewhat) more confident about sex before the festivities begin.
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think!


	5. Formal Letter Writing for Dummies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay gets a lesson in female anatomy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a bit more of Jay's perspective. I like the idea of seeing more of his thoughts as he opens up to the reader.

"First thing: Take that shirt off." 

Jay's completely enraptured by the sight of your soft breasts in his hands. He lifts them slightly and feels their weight, watching closely as his fingers knead your beautiful skin. 

"Jay?" 

He wonders what it would be like to taste them. To suck one gently into his mouth and run his tongue across your nipple. Would it be too warm for it to pebble up between his teeth? Or should he try licking the rosy little bud and then blowing cool air across it? Could he get both in his mouth at the same time?

"Jay??" 

What if… he _bit_ you… just a little? Would you thread your fingers through his hair and cry out for more? Oh God, what if you begged him by his name? Fuck, that would be amazing. He's sure could do that for hours; listening to you moan his name while he bites and suckles on your perfect fucking breas… 

"JAY!" 

Jay finally snaps out of his daydream. 

"Wha?" 

You laugh brightly and roll your hips - ever so slightly - against him again. "Would you please take off your shirt for me?" 

"Oh! Right. Yeah," he replies apologetically. You swing your leg off of him delicately and stand topless at the side of his bed. Jay sits up and pulls his green bowling shirt up and over his head. 

He's slight and pale under his shirt. A sparse patch of hair covers his chest and grows denser along his stomach. His arms are lean but toned with biceps that cut handsomely out from shoulders and taper at his elbows. 

Jay sits patiently on the edge of his mattress, awaiting your instructions. He sits tall and ready, drumming on his knees to a rhythm you don't recognize. He's not apprehensive or ashamed; just wonderfully excited. 

If you're supposed to be the teacher in all of this, he looks like he'll be a perfect student. 

"I really like you," you confess again. 

Jay smiles wide. "I like you, too."

You walk up to stand between his open knees. He looks up at you happily before wrapping his hands around the small of your back. Your bare breasts are inches from his mouth and he’s trying _desperately_ not to stare… or drool. It’s an unbelievably adorable effort. 

“Go ahead,” you smile down to him. 

“Really!?” Jay asks like a kid on Christmas morning. You giggle before placing your hands on both sides of his head and planting a kiss on his lips.

“Yes, really. Anything you want, Jay” - An alarm goes off in your mind - “Oh! Wait! Except no butt stuff.”

Jay’s howling laughter bounces off of his low ceilings and fills the entire apartment. He buries his head between your breasts as tears form in the corners of his eyes. You hold his head close to your chest as you cackle along with him.

“Why would I want…” he starts before another fit of sputtering laughter takes over. "Christ!" he yells. "I wasn’t thinking about that _at all._ Good to know, though.”

“Just wanted to lay my cards out on the table ahead of time,” you snicker. 

Jay wipes his tears away with the back of his hands. “Right. Right. I totally get it. No butt stuff.”

“Okay, well short of _that_ , we still have a lot of boxes to check off. Where do you want to start? Tell me the first thing that pops in your head." 

“Honestly,” Jay sighs as he gives you a wide smile, “now all I can think about is butt stuff.”

“Jay Bauman, I will put my shirt right back on and walk ou…” 

“I’m just kidding!” Jay pleads as he wraps his arms around your back. “I’m kidding! I’m sorry!” He kisses down the center of your chest half a dozen times, mumbling an apology after each one. 

"I'd like to… god… I… everything is popping in my head right now," he smiles. "I want to know every fucking thing there is to know about your body. I.. just….." Jay takes a breath and focuses his thoughts. 

"I want all of it. All of you," Jay confides. "If that's okay." He looks up at you, excited and eager.

"Well you're in luck, because you've _got_ all of me.”

You reach down and unzip your khaki pants and pull them down your hips; wiggling out of the ugly things and letting them pool around your ankles. You shift your weight to one leg; offering yourself up like a birthday present just for him. 

Jay's eyes roam across your body, from your toes up to the top of your head. 

"Would you lay down with me?" he asks sweetly. 

"I would love to." 

Jay crawls up to the top of his bed to make sure you get the fluffier pillow and outstretches his hand to you.

You take his lead and lay down next to him, resting your head over his extended bicep. Your left hand ghosts along his opposite arm, up to his shoulder, and stills below his jawline. Light from the TV dances across his face, popping from blue to green to red and making his eyes shine in Technicolor.

“You’re so handsome,” you whisper dreamily. 

Jay smiles and shakes his head. “I don’t know about that, but I’m glad you think so.”

“I do think so.” 

You lean forward and place a kiss to his soft lips. Jay’s right arm beneath your neck pulls you in closer as his left hand rolls your hips towards him. You draw your knee up over his leg slowly until your thigh meets his hip. 

Your mouth opens slowly as Jay licks your bottom lip. Your tongue meets his in a languid dance while his right hand travels up from your waist. He finally reaches your breast and moans as he squeezes a handful. Your nails dig into his scalp in equal measure.

"God, you are so fucking perfect," he whispers. He kisses down your throat; roughly kneading your breast. His thumb and index finger pinch down on your nipple and your hips buck into him reflexively. 

"That feels amazing," you pant. "Could you use your mouth?"

Jay immediately rolls you on your back, pinning you to the mattress with his leg between your thighs. He holds himself up on his elbow as he squeezes your right breast before taking it into his mouth. He sucks hungrily; flicking your nipple against his tongue. You reach down and wrap your arm around his shoulder while your other hand caresses the back of his head. 

"God, yes. Just like that," you moan.

Jay moves to suck on your left breast, but keeps his hand around your right. His thumb rubs against your taught, wet nipple in tiny circles as he sucks and nibbles your opposite side.

He shifts his weight slightly to get a better angle and his thigh grinds into your pussy. You gasp loudly and claw at Jay's scalp. He pops off his mouth of of your breast and looks up to you.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks with concern.

"No. God, no. Your thigh is just right on… no. It felt great."

"Oh! Would you like me to try with my hands?" Jay offers with excitement.

"Yes. Fuck yes, please."

Jay rolls off of you to lay on his left side. You stay on your back, clad only in your cotton panties. Jay's hand coasts over your stomach and slips underneath your waistband. A sudden rush off self-consciousness floods your mind. You grab his hand to warn him.

"Sorry, I'm not Chewbacca-level hairy down there or anything, but I'm not in top form. I didn't think that this would be happening tonight," you try to explain.

"It would be _literally_ impossible for me to care less about that," Jay answers confidently. He plants a kiss on your neck before his hand moves down further. His fingers part your lips before his whole body shudders. 

You're wet. He knows that good. He's not sure if he had anything to do with it, but he still feels a swelling sense of accomplishment. And now he… shit, what does he do now?

"What do I do?" he asks expectantly.

You lean up just enough to plant a kiss on his beautiful face.

"I'll show you. Give me your hand."

Jay reluctantly pulls out of your panties and waits patiently for his lesson.

You hold his hand out in front of you both, with his palm facing away from you. 

"Okay. Imagine your hand is my vagina," you begin.

"Waaaaaay ahead of you on that one," Jay laughs.

"God damn it!" You smile. "That's amazing and I want to hear all about that later, but focus up!"

Jay snuggles into the crook of your neck on his pillow and watches your hands.

You point to the nail of his middle finger. "Okay. This is where the clit is. Top center. It's just a little bundle of nerves, but that's where like, 95% of female orgasms come from."

Jay is paying very close attention and nodding as you explain.

"Alright," you continue on as you point to the middle knuckle on Jay's hand, "that's where I pee from, so you can ignore it."

"Gotcha."

"And here," you make a small circle on the back of Jay's hand, "is the actual vagina." Jay nods as you continue: "That's where your cock goes."

"Yeah, I kinda figured," he laughs.

"Don't sass me, Bauman," you tease. "See how the important parts are kind of far apart? That’s why its harder for girls to have orgasms during sex - most of the time, nothing is touching the most important part.” You point to the back of his hand. “The vagina is good, sure,” you explain before moving to the tip of his middle finger, “but the clit up here is mind-blowing fucking fantastic.” 

Jay points to his own finger tip, “So then this is _like Ghostbusters,_ ” then down to the back of his hand, “and this is _Ghostbusters 2._ ”

You snicker softly and grab his hand; pulling it to your chest. “For me, yes. While the sequel is fun, the original is perfect.” 

“Got it. I think,” Jay smiles. "So how do I make you cum?"

You stare at him for a moment as a strange, wonderful realization hits you:

_He's the first person to ever ask me that._

You smile and kiss the back of his hand before holding it up again.

"Okay… this might sound like a strange analogy... but for me… I think of it like using an old-timey feather pen to write a letter." 

Jay looks at you like you might be insane - beautiful, but insane.

"I know, I know. Shut up," you giggle. You use your first two digits to draw Jay's name in the air above you and then move down to take his hand. "So, writing the letter is the most important part,' you explain as your fingers rub against the nail of his middle finger in small dashes. "But eventually, you'll run out of ink, so you need to dip back into the bottle." You press your fingers deeply into the back of his palm. "Then go back to writing."

"Could you show me?" Jay breathes. You bite your lip in anticipation and nod at him.

You take his right hand and guide him under your panties; placing your index and middle fingers on top of his. You both breathe in deeply as Jay's digits part your folds and pass over your clit before plunging deep inside your pussy.

"That's the ink," you breathe. You pull his slick fingers up higher and guide them to your clit. You roll them over your bud three times. "And that's where you write."

Jay looks up to you again with just a pinch of apprehension in his eyes. He nods sharply. "Let me try," he insists.

His hand reaches down again before his fingers delve inside of you. You moan wantonly against his neck. 

"Okay. Now I write the letter," he says aloud before beginning a well-intentioned _assault_ on your clit. Your back jumps sharply off of the bed.

"Fuck fuck fuck," you hiss. Jay rips his hand away.

"Did I do it wrong?" he asks with concern.

"No! No. You did great." You crane up to kiss him in reassurance. "It's just… Have you ever heard a guy say he can't find the clit?"

Jay laughs softly. "I've heard that a lot, yeah."

"Yeah. That will **not** be a problem for you. Cause you definitely found it. Nailed it. Right away."

Jay smiles wide.

"Just _a lot_ gentler, please… at least for now." 

Jay nods and dials himself back. His index and middle finger rub your clit in light circles and your legs open wider in response.

"God, yes. Just like that," you moan. 

Jay watches your body respond to his touch. How you gasp so sweetly as he captures your clit between his fingers. And how you growl and curl his sheets in your fists when he delves back inside. Over and over, he watches your body tighten and listens to your pained little cries before sliding back inside. Your hips roll against his hand and he can’t help but imagine it’s his cock inside of you. He’s getting almost painfully hard, but he's absolutely committed to taking his time and getting this right. 

"Fuuuuck… Jay. Holy shit! I'm so fucking… oh god!" You moan. "Please.. just my clit… don't stop."

Jay has never been more focused in his life. He looks down to his hand in your panties, memorizing the feel of your swollen bud under his fingers. 

"Please, god, don't fucking stop!" you scream.

Jay's does exactly as he's told, keeping up a steady rhythm against your clit.

Your back arches off his mattress as you grit your teeth.

"Fuck! Fuck!" you scream. Jay takes one of your heaving breasts into his mouth and sucks hard.

Your right hand finds Jay's thigh and your nails dig into his jeans. Your entire body tenses as Jay's wet fingers slide quickly against your clit.

"Jay! Fuck! Yes! Oh god! Please!" you babble. "Fuck, I'm so close. That! Yes! Keep doing tha…. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUUUUUCK!" 

Your legs slam closed around Jay's hand before your body begins to writhe with your orgasm. Your left arm wraps around Jay's shoulder and you pull him close as the pleasure overtakes you. 

"Shit!" you scream. You pant loudly, trying to catch your breath. Jay's erection presses into your thigh and your sex-addled brain roars _“MORE!”_

Your body undulates in Jay’s arms as your orgasm begins to abate. You reach into his pants over his boxers to palm at his exquisitely hard cock. Jay sucks in a breath as he rolls onto his back. 

"I don’t know if…"

Your hand slithers under his cotton waistband and your fingers wrap around his smooth shaft. Your thumb glides across a bead of cum at his tip and Jay’s body jumps as he climaxes hard across his stomach. He moans in both pleasure and frustration, throwing his hands up to hide his face as the last of his seed spurts out over your hand.

"Fuck!" he yells. “I’m sorry.”

"Fuck what?" you answer with a breathless smile. "That was amazing!" 

"I just came in your hand!" he growls. "That's so pathet…"

"Who gives a shit! We knew that was going to happen," you cut in. "You’re the first person to make me orgasm!" 

Jay’s head rockets upright. "Are….are you sure?" he pants as he tries to get his breath back.

"Yes, I'm sure! You weirdo!" you laugh. "No one's ever made me cum before!" You roll onto his chest, showering him with quick kisses along his neck up to his cheek. “Thank you!” -kiss- “Thank you!” -kiss- “Thank you!” -kiss-

“Yr wrelcomf,” Jay manages to mumble as you wrap your hands around his face and kiss him fully on his lips. Your fingers reach to comb through his hair before you remember you're covered in cum.

"Oh shit!” you chirp before sitting up on the bed. Jay’s white release coats your hand to the wrist. You also managed to spread a healthy amount on your stomach when you climbed on top of him. “Do you have a napkin or a towel or something?" you inquire cheerfully.

"Yeah, sure. Uh…" Jay crawls over you and walks to his closet. You admire his lean frame as his baggy jeans sag down past his boxers. His chain wallet jangles with each step.

He grabs a spare towel from the back of the door and walks back to you. You accept the ratty towel and use it to quickly clean off your hand and tummy. Jay chimes in as you make sure your belly button is cum-free. 

“That was… really nice,” he admits with a boyish smile. “Still, sorry about the ending.”

“That was the best part!” you laugh. You drop the towel and stand up in front of Jay; wrapping your arms around his shoulders. His hands move down to cup your bottom. You nudge forward, relishing the smell of his sweaty skin and whisper softly: “If just _touching_ me made you feel that good, can you imagine how it’s going to feel when you’re inside me?” You nibble his ear and his whole body shivers.

“”Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always knew that Jay Bauman was a quick learner! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! What do you think is next on the menu? Hint: it's not butt stuff. :)
> 
> Please leave me a comment here or stop by my [tumblr](https://redlettermistress.tumblr.com/).


	6. "Make It A Blockbuster Night!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last installment of Jay's first sexual experience.

Jay takes a deep breath and reaches up to your hands behind his neck; drawing them down to his chest. 

“That sounds fucking amazing,” he sighs. “But I still have a few more boxes I want to check off before we get there.” He rests his hands against the small of your back and pulls you close. 

“Well…" you purr as you nuzzle into the crook of his neck, "you already got your hands down a girl’s pants **and** made her cum - kudos on that, by the way…”

“Thank you,” Jay laughs.

“...and I _kinda_ gave you a handjob. Apparently, I’m really talented, so it went pretty quick,” you kid. 

Jay flashes a shy smile. “Sure,” he nods. "That’s how I’m going to describe it on my blog, anyways.” You smack him on his bare chest. 

“Oh! And my nipples!” you shout. “You’re **great** with those!” 

Jay blushes and shakes his head in happy disbelief.

“Can I ask you for something?” he questions.

Your mind darts between all of the remaining boxes he’s yet to check. You’d love to bite down his neck and hear him whimper. Just to finally taste him would be amazing. Or climb on top of him and ride him; watch up come completely undone between your legs. 

He waits patiently for your answer; studying the flecks of color in your eyes.

“Of course! Anything you want.” You smile wickedly and bite your lip in anticipation.

He takes a deep breath as his right hand combs through your hair to caress your neck. 

“Would you ever consider possibly being my girlfriend?”

Your brain simply stops working.

Jay’s hand stills as you try to formulate an answer. Your eyes go wide. 

“I… your… girlfriend…?”

“That’s the hope, yes,” Jay replies with a small shrug. One of his eyebrows starts to furrow with uncertainty as he looks towards the floor. 

Finally, your brain starts up again:

“YES!” you scream. You throw your arms around Jay’s neck and jump; wrapping your legs around his waist as he tries to catch you. 

Your mouth is immediately on him. Kissing his cheeks, sucking at his lips; giggling and cooing all the while. Your teeth clatter against his as you both try to kiss through wide smiles. 

Jay holds you up by the ass and takes two steps forward before dropping you both down on his bed. Jay’s solid weight between your legs is perfection. You grind your hips up into him invitingly and whimper as he settles in deeper. Your hands wrap around his back and slide down to his jeans. 

"Could you get more naked? Or at least take off the wallet? It's kinda cold."

Jay plants his hands on either side of your shoulders and holds himself up above your upper body. You sneak a quick peek at his flexed arms and try to resist the urge to bite him. He kisses you twice before finally answering.

"I think I can manage that," he plants a third kiss to your lips before hopping off of his bed to start work on his pants. He unsnaps his chain wallet from its belt loops and starts to empty his pockets onto his night stand. A flash of metallic blue catches your eye as Jay starts to unfasten his belt. 

"Um, Jay? Were you planning on getting laid tonight, or do you just always carry condoms?" you ask.

"No," he laughs. "Why would I…" he peers to his nightstand and a look of terror flashes across his face. "Shit! Um… I… uh… Ron said I should..." He sputters nervously before you cut in. 

"You have amazing friends," you assure him. You sit up on the edge of his bed and grab both of his hands. "I just got tested for everything before I got my IUD last month, so I can tell you I'm both STD-free and nearly impossible to impregnate. But if you want to be extra safe, I won't be offended." 

Jay's face calms a bit as he looks back down to you. "Oh! That’s great. But I'm not worried about that - It's just that Ron said I'd last longer because I wouldn't feel as much. I just thought he was making fun of me," he explains. "I never thought you would let me..."

You laugh loudly. "LET you?! I'll **_let_** you do anything you want to me," you tell him cheerfully.

"Well short of butt stuff," he laughs.

"Uggghhh!" You groan with a smile. "Just for the record: I'm not saying 'never ever' to butt stuff. We're just… we're not there yet, Bauman."

Jay smiles in acceptance and goes back to the task at hand. His belt comes be apart loudly before he opens the button to his baggy jeans. He steps out of them and kicks them away from the bed.

You move your hands to the front of his boxers and wet your lips. "May I?"

Jay looks nervous that he might have a repeat performance. He wants nothing more than to show you he doesn't instantly cum at just the **thought** of sex. But the idea of your mouth around his cock… _holy fuck_ , what would that feel like? God, and you're right there; swollen red lips just inches away from him. And your looking up at him with those beautiful eyes like you really, actually want to do it. 

Jay musters his courage and nods yes. His hands are already balled into fists. 

"You should try to relax," you encourage.

"I just don't want to cum immediately."

"I am so honored that you think I could even do that for you," you chuckle. "But I really doubt that. I have no idea what you like. Unless you could give me some directions?" 

Jay's eyes dart between his hardening dick and your sweet, smiling lips. He has no idea how to direct a blow job, but he’s prepared to try.

"I think so," Jay responds with some trepidation. 

You pull down the sides of his boxers, freeing his semi-hard cock to bounce in front of your watering mouth. It's not like you have a lot to compare him to, but he seems perfect. Then you realize he’s not fully erect yet.

_Oh my!_

You wonder how he would feel inside of you. Would he be too big? Just right? Will it hurt? You peer back up to Jay and try to focus.

"So what do you like, Jay? Can you show me how I should touch you?"

"You want me to jerk off in front of you?" Jay answers nervously.

"I'd honestly _love_ that." You plant a kiss at the bottom of his happy trail. "But you can just give me an overview," you assure him.

Jay wraps his right hand around the base of his shaft and begins to pump slowly against himself. He looks down into your eyes as his manhood swells. 

"I like it here the best," he pants when his thumb and index finger are just under the head of his cock. He gives himself several short strokes before his palm goes all the way down to his base again. 

You smile softly before reaching down to hold his testicles gently in your hand. Jay gasps, but keeps his rhythm. "Do you like to touch yourself here?" Jay shudders under your petting and closes his eyes.

"Fuuuck. Yes, I do," he replies.

"What do you think about?"

"I think about you."

You'd blush under different circumstances, but your mind is elsewhere.

"What about me?" You ask as your other hand wraps around Jay's shaft. He lets you take over; pumping his cock and gently ghosting your fingertips across his balls.

"Fucking you," Jay confesses. His head falls back as you stroke exactly where he likes it best. "Making you scream for me; sucking your tits while you bounce on my dick."

"Mmmm…" you purr. "That sounds amazing. Have you ever imagined my mouth on your cock?" You keep pumping him as you lean forward and lick a bead of cum away from his slit. His body jolts.

"Fuck! Holy shit! Uh… yes. I have," he pants.

"Well I hope I don't disappoint," you whisper.

"You could never dis…" Jay begins as you wrap your mouth around his rigid cock. Every muscle in his body tenses as he throws his head back and growls.

Your mouth is so warm and wet and it completely surrounds him. He can feel **_everything._** Your full lips, your tongue massaging the underside of his cock. You pull away just enough to tease his tip; twirling your tongue around him before sliding him further into your mouth. The tight "O" of your lips popping over the head of his cock over and over again keeps him paralyzed. It feels too good; he can't think, he can't move.

You pull your mouth away and tighten your grip on his shaft. You pump him slowly and watch his chest heaving above you.

“Does this feel okay?” you ask demurely. 

Without your mouth around him, Jay is finally able to form part of a thought, but it’s not overly helpful.

“Ye..ye.. yeah.”

You laugh quietly. “Which part feels the best?”

Jay’s hands shoot up to his temples, wiping the sweat into his hair. “Fuck! All of it. Jesus Christ! Your mouth feels incredi..”

You swirl the tip of Jay’s cock against your flat tongue and he cuts himself off with a strangled groan. 

"Fuck! Fuck... that feels... fucking… fuuuuuck." 

Jay looks down on you, his eyes nearly black with lust, and you smile widely before taking him fully into your mouth again. The hot, wet feel of your mouth is electrifying and the sight of his cock plunging past your red lips is nearly too much for him. 

“Wait! Wait! Stop,” Jay calls down to you.

Immediately, you pull away from him and put up both of your hands in surrender. You look up to Jay with worried eyes.

“Shit! Did I bite you? I’m **so** sorry!” 

Jay kneels on the floor in front of you. “No no no! You’re great! I just... god, I don’t want to cum again and your mouth feels too fucking good,” he explains breathlessly. 

“Oh! I can try to do it differently if…”

“Can I go down on you?” Jay pants before wetting his lips.

You’re stunned to silence for a moment.

"What, like _now_?" you chuckle.

Jay flashes you a crooked grin before reaching for either side of your panties. “Yeah. Now.”

You bite your lip and nod your permission. Jay pulls them down away from your ass, over your thighs and off of your ankles in one fluid motion. 

“Do you want me to tell you what to do?” you offer as Jay kneels between your legs.

“Yeah. In a sec.” His hands wrap around your thighs and spreads you open wide. Jay's mouth presses hard into your wet cunt; hungrily lapping every inch of you. You fall back across his bed with a moan.

Jay has no fucking clue what he's doing and he doesn't care. He's hell-bent on eating your pussy until you can't think. His tongue flicks over your clit before taking it between his lips and sucking sharply. Your back arches off of his bed in response. He looks up to see your beautiful breasts heave as you scream out his name. 

He remembers something about getting more ink and plunges his tongue inside of you, marveling at how incredibly wet you are. Now **he knows** it's for him. You moan so beautifully before your hips start to move against his face.

Jay moves back to your clit, flattening his tongue and licking a long stripe across your swollen bud. He moans against you and sucks at your clit again before pulling his face away. 

"Okay. What do I do now?" He continues to rub your clit with two fingers.

"Holy fuck! I… fuck. I don't know. God, your fucking mouth! Fuck!"

Jay smiles wide, admiring the sweat glistening across your chest. Your knuckles are turning white as you ball his comforter in your fists. He looks down to your perfect, wet cunt inches from his mouth. He keeps the rhythm against your clit as he watches himself plunge two fingers inside of you. 

Your wanton screams are like music to his ears. He bites his lip as he pumps his fingers inside of you, watching you writhe with his every touch. Your slick coats his hand and runs down to his wrist.

"Fuuuuck!" you scream. "THAT! God damn, do that!" 

Jay oblidges, pumping his fingers inside of you and flicking your clit with his other hand. Your hands move to cup your breasts as your breathing becomes shallow. His dick is impossibly hard as he watches you knead your lovely breasts. 

He's naked and on his knees between your legs, and yet he's never felt more powerful. Every move of his hand, every flick of his tongue makes your body sing for him. He owns you; at least for now.

"Fuck! Jay! I need you inside me!” you scream.

Jay looks at his hand, which is very much inside of you, and stills; confused.

"Your **_cock!_ **Please! God, please get up here and fuck me!" you plead. 

“But I’ll cum right away!” he protests.

“I will, too!" you scream. "Please, Jay!" 

He needs no further invitation, standing up straight between your legs. You scramble to lay the correct direction on his bed as he crawls on top of you. 

"Do you want a condom?" you offer quickly.

"No," he growls. He holds himself up on his left arm as he reaches down to line himself up at your entrance. He fails twice; his cock sliding against your clit each time. You grab on to him and position him perfectly before he buries himself inside of you. 

"Fuck! Holy fucking shit!" he moans. The stretch of him is nearly painful. A feral scream escapes your lips before you roll your pelvis against him; begging him to move. 

"Please don't stop," you beg.

Jay's hips draw away before he snaps back into you, taking your breath away. He leans down to kiss you and you taste yourself on his lips.

The exquisite stretch, the weight of his body between your legs, and the sound of his cock slamming into your wet pussy is sublime - but it won't put you over the edge.

"Jay, I think I need to…" you reach down your stomach to keep up the wonderful rhythm on your clit that Jay started. He holds himself up higher to allow you better access. When you reach your clit, everything falls into place.

"Oh god, yes," you pant. "Your cock feels so fucking good."

Jay thrusts harder; barely holding on.

"Holy fuck! I'm going to cum. Please don't stop!" you plead into his ear. "Please don't fucking sto..."

Your cunt clamps down against Jay's cock as your orgasm overtakes you. Your nails dig into his shoulder while your legs force him deeper inside.

He's been so dedicated to lasting. He wants nothing more than to please you for hours. But your tight pussy is fluttering against him and you're screaming for him and there's just no hope. Jay finally let's go.

He reaches down with his right hand to pull your thigh up and loses himself entirely inside of your perfect wet heat.

“You have no idea how fucking amazing you feel," he confesses like a prayer. His balls tighten as he presses a kiss to your panting lips. Your hands wrap around his shoulders and pull him closer. He gasps loudly as be bottoms out against your hips and cums hard.

 _Nothing else in the world could feel this good,_ Jay thinks. His cock spurts out the last of his seed, filling you up beyond the brim and dripping down to his burgundy comforter. 

You hook your legs together behind his back, keeping him inside of you as you both try to regain your breath. Jay's heart beats hard against your chest. His body twitches each time the aftershocks of your orgasm make your cunt contract around his softening cock.

"I had no fucking idea it could be like that," you whisper as you run your fingers through his hair.

"Me either," Jay says simply as he breathes against your ear. His sweat sticks to your chest and makes it near impossible to peel yourself away from him. Not that you'd want to.

After another minute, you’ve both mostly caught your breath. Jay untangles himself from your embrace and stands on shaky legs at the side of his bed. You move yourself away from his comforter just enough for him to pull the fabric away from your back. You lay back down into his fitted sheet; tired and sticky. 

Jay climbs back into bed and pulls his comforter over your legs. You pull yourself up enough to rest your cheek on his chest. His left arm wraps around your shoulders as his right hand runs through your hair. You feel his warm seed dripping out of you.

A dozen heart-felt confessions run through your mind. You shut them all out - that's your cunt thinking. She's had an incredible day and she’s clearly overly emotional. You shut all of those lovely words out for now and curl up against your boyfriend.

 _Holy shit, your_ **_boyfriend!_**

Jay looks down at the top of your head on his chest; you’re humming happily and trailing your fingers through his chest hair. His mind wanders.

_Every inch of you is perfect and I lov…..like you more than I thought I could ever like anyone._

Jay's brain is flooded by hormones and whatever else - that's fucking crazy talk. He's being stupid. Right? He must be. He looks down to see your head resting against on top of his bare chest and his heart swells. You own him now, body and soul. He is completely yours and it's the most terrifying and wonderful feeling he's ever experienced.

_Fuck._

He finally understands every shitty love song he's ever heard. 

You peer up into his eyes before cupping his face in your hand and kissing him gently.

"You’re amazing," are the only words that you'll allow yourself to say.

"You’re crazy," Jay replies simply. “My crazy, sexy, amazing... _girlfriend_.”

He finally looks over to his TV screen to see the tape has ended, but he has no idea when. How long have you been at this? Twenty minutes? He looks to his alarm clock and sees the display shining 11:32pm in bright red numbers. _How the hell did that happen?_

“Can I ask you one more thing?” he inquires with a raised eyebrow.

“Sure.”

“Would you like to watch _Gremlins 2_ with me?” he laughs. “It’s all ready to go.”

“I’ve actually seen this movie before,” you tease. Jay rolls his eyes. “But I would absolutely **love** to see it again.”

Jay grabs the remote off of his nightstand and hits play. He doesn’t bother fast forwarding through the previews this time. Instead he wraps both arms around you and kisses the top of your head. He smiles as your arms go slack before the Warner Bros. logo even comes up. 

You drift off to sleep in his arms, happy and satisfied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! I'm so glad our boy finally got his! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read! This one was **super** fun to write. Over 14,000 words in a little over a week and I loved every second of it! 
> 
> The whole idea for the story came as a reader request on my [tumblr](https://redlettermistress.tumblr.com/) page:
> 
> "Maybe reader and jay are friends and he finds out she hasn’t seen a favourite movie of his and he (nervously) asks her over to watch it and she agrees? perhaps reader makes the move while they’re watching the movie and jay is just beside himself something like this is even happening to little ol him 😉"
> 
> Lauren is now my best imaginary friend/wingman.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of the story! I live for your comments and kudos. Or drop me a line on my [tumblr](https://redlettermistress.tumblr.com/).


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